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“You’ll never change your life until you change something you do daily.  The secret of your success is found in your daily routine.”  ~ John C. Maxwell

In life, we all develop different habits.  Some are good and some are bad.  For instance, some have good habits with structured morning routines, while others go about their day carelessly.  Following with the quote above, our daily habits influence our success, personal and professional.  They contribute to our quality of life and well-being. 

Sometimes, we don’t pay attention to our habits.  We have done them all the time, so they have become normalized.  We assume that these are just apart of who we are and that’s what they will be.  However, that’s not the case.  You can stop your bad habits and replace them with beneficial good habits that better serve you.  Here are 9 habits to stop that are destroying your elegant growth.

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Working and having a successful career is important.  We have taken the time to either be the best in our field or area, dedicated time and study, or are still even working toward getting that perfect job.  For entrepreneurs, you are committed to building your business and acquiring all the necessary tools in order to do so.  However, don’t get consumed by your work!  Maintain a healthy structure or system to complete any work, keeping balance in mind.  Being a workaholic can lead to a myriad of health issues and incite any preexisting conditions.

On the opposite side of this, don’t only play.  Relaxing, having fun, and enjoying our interests are perfectly fine.  Who doesn’t like having time off?  At the same time, if you’re not doing anything to secure your future, including physical, emotional, and financial stability; if you’re not cultivating something, growing, or increasing your knowledge, you’re doing yourself a disservice and not producing anything beneficial.

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These twin habits will lead you down a dark road if you are not careful.  Just like the above-mentioned habit, there is nothing wrong with healthy competition and comparison.  The key word here is “healthy.”  Healthy competition should drive your forward.  To master your skillset.  To become better.  In regard to comparison, it may be better think of this in terms of admiration.  We admire role models and look at the success of individuals who are doing what aspire to do or exemplifying the character we want to embody.

Similarly, these habits here are all about moderation.  That’s what makes for healthy competition and comparison.  The negative behaviors that manifest from these habits when not appropriately moderated can be destructive and bring out your worst self. 

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That I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-N-T mindset has been a prevalent one among young women and has almost created its own culture.  Women want to have command over all facets of their life, open their own doors, pay for their own meals, which is perfectly fine, but becomes problematic when basically doing it all by themselves.  The idea of doing everything on your own or grinding in solitude negates the personal and social acceptance of help.  Independence is a good thing to have since dependence or complete reliance on others can put yourself in an unfavorable situation.  On the other hand, being utterly independent and unwilling to accept outside help or support rejects the blessings that come from receiving and can damage relationships, business endeavors, and personal growth.  Know that it is okay to ask for help, seek support, and be bolstered by others.

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What is meant by this?  A self-contained person goes beyond being reserved.  It’s to the extreme of failing to express your emotions and essentially being unable to feel, share, or engage in any way.  This does not mean that a person who is self-contained is not feeling; it may be quite the opposite and this person experiences a range of emotions intensely, however it is not reflected on the outside.  As a result, you are viewed as cold, stoic, or robotic.

This idea of being self-contained also extends to being unable to relay or relate.  In this manner, privacy is taken to the extreme, and social engagement is nonexistent.  You do not share about yourself with others and may self-sabotage by downplaying your abilities, even if you are fully capable.  In both cases, it is harmful to harbor so much inside and not properly release or communicate with others.  Don’t put your mental or physical health in jeopardy by burdening your psyche.  Make small efforts to relate to others and find proper avenues of emotional release.

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Sometimes you can be your worst enemy and it’s time to form resolutions with this.  Self-sabotage can be conscious or unconscious, revealing itself through our inner negative Nancy, lack of confidence, imposter syndrome and so on.  Self-sabotage will leave you stuck or settling, and these are two paces you don’t want to be.  When you recognize self-sabotage starting to bear its head, flip those thoughts arounds with positive affirmations because you probably have and are capable of more than you realize.

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While the concept and meaning of elegance are stationary, how we express ourselves individually does not have to be.  What matters is how we maintain the principles of living elegantly.  Being elegant is not copy and paste. What elegance looks like on one person will not be the same for another.  For example, living an extravagant or luxury lifestyle won’t fit the lifestyle of the elegant minimalist.  Similarly, dressing in pencils skirts and chiffon tops will not suit the more masculine-styled woman who is pursuing an elegant lifestyle. 

Elegance is not a mass production of appearance or appropriate social linguistics.  It is embracing a lifestyle of refinement, quality, grace, class and growth, and cultivating positive outcomes as a result.  Take the principles and show your unique qualities.  We don’t need another Channel, Grace Kelly, or Diahann Carrol.  We need you.

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You’re are in a good place.  It’s comfortable.  The work is simple.  Challenges are few in between.  However, you are not going up and you are not going down.  You’re wading the middle area and have been for years now… 2 years… 5 years… 10 years.  You are in the same spot without any momentum going in any direction.  If you are staying stagnant, you are not growing.  Perhaps you are growing in one area, but not in another.  You are still stagnant.  Life is a journey and you should be continually growing and developing in all facets of life.  Consider the position you are at now.  This could be in education, personal relationships, work or even your journey in achieving an elegant lifestyle.  Visualize, goal set and plan how you can reach that next level and propel yourself out of stagnation.

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Human beings are social animals.  We are born into relationships and make relationships as we go about our lives.  Our social circles are revealing and reflective of who we are.  Not fostering healthy relationships can be to our own detriment.  Those relationships that we make feed into us and we also feed into others.  Draw the line at toxic and self-serving relationships for relationships that uplift you. We must ask ourselves, do we want to receive and give steak or chicken fingers as it comes to our relationships.

I’m sure you have heard the phrase, “your network is your net worth.”  Your network is not only your connections but your access to resources and opportunities.  Your network should include people who you admire and are successful in their field.  They encourage you to better and challenge you to grow.  If you are the smartest or most successful person in your social circle or network, you want to take a second look and really assess who you allow around you.  Furthermore, everyone in your network and social circle should not be just like you.  It should be diverse in people, careers, creativity, and way of thinking.

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We all have lazy days and days where we go a bit haphazardly through the day; however, this should not be the manner of all our days.  Time is a blessing and it is important to manage it well.  For this reason, systems are integral.  When our day does not have structure, you’re less likely to accomplish tasks and goals, and be productive overall.  This habit may be difficult to come out of, but you can start by implementing small changes to increase your daily efficiency, such as creating routines.  Systems should be crafted to help you in the place where you are now, but with the potential to get you to where you need or want to go.  When you have more systems in place, you’ll notice stress reduction, increased productivity, time saved, and overall better quality of life.

Keep in mind that when you feel like these habits are taking over, it’s best to become introspective.  Investigate why these habits are manifesting and figure out how to replace them with good habits.  The key is to recognize what needs to be changed and implement those necessary changes with excellence, and honestly and totally commit to becoming a better you because your elevated self will thank you later.

11 Comments on “Stop Doing These 9 Things That are Destroying Your Elegant Growth

  1. I have a quick question about the post: So a system is a repeated habit right?
    thanks for writing this post it was rlly interesting to read!


    • No, problem. And yes, we can think of a system as repeated habit and take it a step further to habit that has become a life best practice. It helps keep you organized and structured to conquer what you set your mind too.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Oh gosh reading this really reflect on different types of habits I have. I definitely am guilty of comparing myself to others and no having a system in place. Think I need to rethink certain habits and attempt to change and make them into good habits now.


  3. It is so important that we are aware and mindful of our habits. Oooh I am all about the business but having play incorporated is so important. This is how you prevent burnout! You need to take care of your own needs too. The business will still be there when you get back. YES!! We shouldn’t be comparing ourselves to others. Competing in a healthy way to improve yourself is good, but not when it destroys your wellbeing. Being self-contained doesn’t give you much life to live for. We need to allow emotions flow through naturally. Thanks for sharing!

    Nancy ✨


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